Then suddenly, in a flash, one of my longest standing questions was answered. And I found tears streaming out of my eyes. Tears of pain, tears of sadness but above all, tears of apology. I had always blamed her, my first love, for whatever went wrong in our relationship. Always thought that she had never told me why she left me. But it all came to me yesterday.
It wasn't her, it was me. I was the one who had stopped caring, without even realizing. I was the one who took her love for granted. I was the one who wasn't with her when she needed me the most. It wasn't her, it was me all along.
And now, I have no way to tell her this. I don't have her contact number, or her working e-mail id. Life has its own ways of getting back at you. I am sorry, sorry for blaming her...sorry for not being there. I don't want her to look back, no. Just want her to know that I realize that it was me, not her. And I apologize.
But will she know?
And what opened my eyes? Well I was at the receiving end...and it was in those moments I thought, I had also did with her what was happening with me today. Life does come a full circle, and you pay off all your debts here only.
My only wish is that the person who was making me wait shouldn't ever suffer or realize this, like I did today. May life never come a full circle for her....
amen
---------UPDATE 11-May-2006----------------
Another beginning has come to an end....and another end beckons a beginning. This is what makes me feel a little better..
