A Random Act of Kindness

Finding a slot to park my car was a tough job. The place that never had more than 5 cars parked in its big parking space had now over 50 cars parked. After a bit of struggle, I find a space to park. As I bend into the rear seat to pick up my novel, I hear a broken voice from behind me. It says, "Bhaiya, aapko marathi aati hai?"(Brother, do you speak Marathi?). Having attended my engg. college in a small, non-descript town on the Maharashtra-Karnataka border, I knew a fair bit of it. So I answered, "Yes". The guy started to talk in Marathi, his eyes full of tears, his clothes ragged and soiled, and his voice sounding tired but relieved. Relieved that it had found ears willing to listen.

"A week ago I came to Delhi with my old parents to meet my brother who works in Gurgaon. But we were robbed on our way here from Delhi, and lost all our money, and my brother's address. We have been running around this city, hungry and thirsty, with no money or means to go back to our village. I don't know what to do. Will you help me, brother?"

I was stunned. First I thought, this is one of those beggars with another of their stories to pull money out of people. Then I noticed the old parents sitting on the pavement, teary eyed. And I noticed the struggle in the young man's eyes, who was forced to ask strangers for help. Something deep down in me told me that this lad was genuine, and so was his story. I wanted to help him, but there was a tiny bit in me that kept saying, "Ignore this guy, how do you even know that he is genuine? He could be another one of those liars that run around in this big city."

I ignored, but I ignored this voice that came from inside of me. The city of dreams was turning me into a person I wasn't, and a person I couldn't be. And I could actually hear in my head the broken voice of this lad, trying to approach a lot of strangers, and being rebuked, rebuffed and kicked off everytime he tried to help his poor parents and himself.

I put my hand on his shoulders, and told him to relax. Then I proceeded to give him a 500 Rs. note from my wallet, and told him to directly go to the railway station, buy tickets for himself and his parents, and head back to his home.

Far away from this city of dreams, that converts ordinary people into uncaring, unwielding monsters. I don't know if I was able to help him enough, I don't know whether he will be safely able to reach his hometown with his parents.

But I know one thing, at least the man from a small town will know that there is still some humanity alive on this planet. And that one day, he might be able to help another person in need.

A person he might not know, a person he might not care about, but a person he will help. Because when he was in need, he was helped!

Just think, how many days have passed since you did a random act of kindness? Helped a complete stranger, maybe helping an old woman cross the road, stopping your car to let the pedestrian walk by, giving a lift to a person stranded in the rain?

Remember, kindness just spreads. You just need to do your bit and pass it on. If the day comes when your car breaks down in heavy rains, you will find someone ready to stop over and help you out. And that will be the day you really appreciate the value of a random act of kindness.

The analysis of a heartbreak, and more... - Part II

This follows the previous post, and is mandated as a response to bhavna's comment on it. So please read the previous post and its comments before reading further.

First, I strongly believe that in the Indian society, marriage is definitely the only consequence of love. The other options of two people loving but not getting married are not really socially acceptable in India. I am not implying that they do not exist, all I am saying is that a massive part of the Indian society is still strongly against them.

That settled, let me move ahead. One topic coming out of this discussion is the definition of love. How does a person know when he/she is in love with another? How do others judge if two people are actually in love?

An interesting observation here is the conflicting views about love. It is said that loving is all about letting go, leaving the other person free...etc etc. However, a flip side to this is the fact that if a person really loves you, and wants to be with you, then he/she should stand by you during the tough times when you are talking to your parents. Contradicting, right?

I tend to believe that the whole philosophy of letting go is just existing for the consolation of people who have been dumped in love. The human mind needs something to hand on to, and in tough times the sole consolation of "true-love-being-in-letting-go" is what helps you through it.

In my opinion, true love is in wanting to stay with the person you love...always being in the company of the one you love, be it in reality, or in your head. Leaving or letting go are not options in love.

Another question is, is it love only when both people are in love with each other? I again disagree. One sided love is a very painful reality. It is like chasing a dream, it is stupid, it is senseless. But as with love, if it happens it cannot be stopped. As love knows no rationale.

I do believe that an important aspect of love is respecting the feelings of your partner. And making all attempts to keep your partner happy. This is why when I was told to leave, I have always left. Not because I believed that love is in letting go...but simply because for me, love is always keeping the other person happy. And if her happiness is in breaking off and going away...so be it.

Shouldn't get personal....

Now the interesting discussion of obeying our parents, or rather not obeying them...well I don't see why the other option is so easily ignored. Fine, my parents are my parents...but I am their child too...I too deserve some level of trust, love and respect from them. And at a mature age, I would certainly wish that they stand by me in the decisions I take in my life. I am fine if they stop me from taking a decision on a genuine reason, I will accept such a mandate. But reasons that are without reason & logic, well, are unacceptable to me. Our parents have lived for more years than us, but it certainly does not mean everything they tell us to do is the right thing for us. We might accept most of what they tell us, but all of it...I don;t know.

It is not about trust, but it is about the simple fact that everyone makes mistakes...and accept it or not...but our parents are equally susceptible to making mistakes as we are.

At least with my parents, I openly discuss their decisions, ask for the reasons behind them. Call me a bad boy, a disobedient son or whatever, but I do not accept any of their decisions that is not soundly justified enough. I do not lead a life where decisions are made based on hearsay or anything that makes no scientific/logical sense to me...

The advantage is that I never regret even a single decision I have ever made. The disadvantage is that it is tough to live this way. Very tough..there are battles lurking around each corner..and I will strongly dissuade you from following this way of living. It is much easier to accept what your parents say, and live life quietly and happily. My way of life might appear glamorous on the outside, but it is tough. So don't follow it. Period.

I don;t know if love is the most complex emotion, but it is the most painful. Without question or argument. Everyone who I know, who has loved aomeone at one point or other in their lives, know that it is painful. But it is worth every bit of it.

On this last argument, the defence rests...

The analysis of a heartbreak, and more...

A recent post on my friend bhavna's blog really set my mind into action(yes..i can hear the shouts of "its been a really long time since that last happened, duh). Jokes apart, I would first want you to read her thoughts.

Having gone through similar situations in my life(yes, its situations and not situation)...I must say I am well equipped to comment on this. So here goes....

When a person falls in love with another, the mind and heart think as one(yes, if you are in true love, this WILL happen). And the mind follows what the heart say.And all lovers care about is being together with each other.

In the great grand Indian society...togetherness forever is marriage! A man and a woman being good friends, being lovers but not getting married is suspiciously viewed by the so called "society" to the extent of persecution. And then this poor couple, and their love life crumbles under the pressures extered hitherto.

So let us accept that marriage is the only way forward for a couple desperately in love. The next step is of course in convincing the upholders of our families, that is, our parents. Let me add here that cases where close relatives, distant relatives, and even neighbors & "society" in general are big factors in any decision that parents will make. For a person in love, the goal is convincing their parents by hook or by crook that all these factors are nothing when it comes to the happiness of their child.

Unfortunately, this argument does not hold out..it loses to equal(and time tested) arguments of experience, life...and in the worst case if no argument is left..then parents use their ace. The ultimate blackmail of making a choice...between the person you love, and between the people who have raised you and cared for you since you were born.

Needless to say, love loses out. At least in my cases, and in many others that I have seen around me, it does. There is only one case where I have seen a person hold out, not make a choice, and ultimately emerge a winner. But such cases are a rarity. If you don't believe me, consider yourself in this ultimate blackmail situation for days altogether....and you will also lose out.

Am I making a villain out of the wonderful people that our parents are? Of course not. Yet the fact remains that most relationships fail because of some or the other affects of parental pressures. It is difficult to document all cases here, so I will just leave it at that.

And what antidote do parents have to a heartbreak?Marriage, of course!!I speak so because I have downed this option multiple times in my own life...but I have seen a lot of people take the path of roses..and be happy forever. I do not want such happiness in my life.

Tough to be impersonal...but I will continue...

Now the reasons why lovers are turned down...the biggest in our country is caste differences. All of us, and our parents are really sympathetic to the cause of reservations...and no one wants to divide this great nation based on caste(at least no one sane would).

But when it comes to letting in a person of another caste in our families, we are scared...we are afraid of what the society would say. We lose our appetite, our sleep..our peace of mind...and in extreme cases, get heart attacks..thinking why??Why my family...why my child had to go off and fall in love with a person from another caste???We will go to any extent to stop them from doing so...otherwise our family will forever be cursed with an "outsider".

This is what goes in a parent's mind....and the symptoms are clearly indicative...no one eats properly in the household for days...parents stop talking to their children..treating them as outcasts..as if they committed multiple murders in one night...no siree...this is the worst crime possible. The retribution is swift...no is almost always the answer..any opposition is met with the ultimate blackmail i mentioned above.

In all this, what has happened to the lovers? Their relationship stretches to breaking point, and soon the day comes when one begins thinking that getting rid of the relation is the best way forward for both of them. And a love story dies.

A painful death at the hands of people who care...of those who matter...

What happens when a relationship ends?Heartbreak....the mind dissociates itself from the heart...cold brutal logic engages in never ending battles with the heart...the soft heart is cursed endlessly for trusting another person...for expecting...for dreaming that life could be beautiful....

This battle, more than anything, takes a toll. And believe me, suicide often appears as an option. Whether I ever considered it is a story for another day, but i know it does. And the only thing that can keep that thought away is just to keep fighting. Keep trying to survive. Remeber that its always the path ridden with thorns that leads to happiness..just keep removing them from your feet..and keep walking.

And well...real love is in letting go. I can say this because I have let go...more than once...caring for the other person's well being...not even keeping any malice in my heart or my mind...

Is it easy to forgive? yes it is.

Is it easy to forget? I don't think so....at least I haven't been able to.

Is it easy to fall in love again? I don't know...really....more so because this is something I randomly read...

"you fall in love only once...the rest is just life"

I could go on and on on this..but I must stop...before more memories come back to flood my heart and my eyes...some other day, perhaps.