Merry Christmas...& A Happy New Year

On window panes,the icy frost
Leaves feathered patterns, crissed & crossed,
But in our house the Christmas tree
Is decorated festively
With tiny dots of colored light
That cozy up this winter night.
Christmas songs, familiar, slow,
Play softly on the radio.
Pops and hisses from the fire
Whistle with the bells and choir.
My tiger is now fast asleep
On his back and dreaming deep.
When the fire makes him hot,
He turns to warm whatever's not.
Propped against him on the rug,
I give my friend a gentle hug.
Tomorrow's what I'm waiting for,
But I can wait a little more.

MERRY CHRISTMAS....And A Happy New Year to all of you...God Bless.


P.S :Poem courtesy Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes.

What lies ahead....

Another journey to take....another trip to make....

A trip down the memory lanes...a trip to see what might lie in the future...

am I hopeful? am I apprehensive? am I scared? am I worried?

I know not...whether I should let my emotions play with me...or should I keep my head firmly on my shoulders....

either ways..it is a tough one.....

pray for me...coz i have seen a lot of darkness...and it seems to keep getting dark...

pray that I see the dawn...that i so much want....

any last words...of course...here they are:

It's a new world
It's a new start
It's alive with the beating of young hearts
It's a new day
It's a new plan
I've been waiting for you
Here I am


i know not if I will be back here...ever again...

so thank you all...for being there..and praying for me always....

Goodbye...for now...maybe forever...

The Red pill...or the blue....

The door on the left, or the one on the right...life is full of choices. Just like Neo was faced with the choice of either going out to the machines, or saving the life of trinity, whom he loved...he chose to do the second. Was that the right thing, being selfish about his love when there were a million lives to be saved? I don't know. I cannot be the judge. For I myself don't know what my reaction is going to be if I am in such a situation.

Though one thing is for sure, life always presents you with choices. And the irony with a choice is, that there is no way of knowing if it is the right choice. You cannot bank on your own experience, or the experience of people elder to you, to make the right one. Simply because there is one variable in life, which is time.

Now I've ranted about time earlier. The relentless variable, the catalyst of change, whatever you call it....though choices are unrelenting as well. And they are tougher to make.

Its just like deciding whether you are going to live on a coin toss, and the only choice you have is to call either heads or tails. What might appear a right choice when you are making it, could actually turn out to be the worst.

What is actually wonderful is that the human mind compensates in its own ways for the such bad choices. It moulds itself in a shell of compromise, that makes all mistakes appear good, and it makes life to look sweet.

I was having a discussion with a friend today, about life, and love and stuff. I found myself putting an interesting point. As we move forward in life, and make compromises for whatever reasons we do, we lose the ability to love. What we do gain, is the ability to appear to love, and care...but the true feelings are lost forever. I just hope I do not lose my ability to love with a true heart...but the thought surely scares me.

I digressed! Well, that is what happens when you have a thought too many going around in your head. So, coming back to making choices, is there ever a right way to make a choice? unfortunately no...there isn't. Life is inevitable, so are its numerous choices, so there is no avoiding decision making. Just that be careful, be very careful. As some decisions can cost you a life...not someone else's, but your own.

And here's a beautiful thought that a friend mailed me...

Don't let some one become PRIORITY in your life when you are just an OPTION in THEIR life

Straightforward, harsh, and sadly very true. The question is, how easy is it to become a priority in another person's life, and how easy is it to not make a person a priority in your life?

The question forms a perfect circle, right? Do you have the answer?

I certainly do not!

Quote of the Day...

Humans are disgusting
- The Sloth, Ice Age -1

The conundrum...or whatever

These days, I have been living in a perpetual space-time conundrum. Don't get alarmed, I am still on the border where insanity meets language, so no more heavy words.

I have heard this word, space time conundrum, somewhere on Discovery Channel. And since then I've been trying to find out what it means. Yeah, I know google exists, but there is more fun in knowing words and attaching your own meanings to them. So I made one for space time conundrum.

It means " A person exists in a space time conundrum when (s)he has no idea of how much time (s)he has spent in a particluar space(place), or has lost a sense of location and direction".

The next experiment to try out was, of course, to get lost in it myself. Though I perpetually live in a state where my mind handles several varied thoughts at one time, this was challenging, I thought. To be lost so much that there is no sense of time.

Needless to say, I managed to enter the state. Where time had no meaning, I was lost.

And that is when I felt my past, my present and my future come to me at once, and remind me that getting out of time is really a tough thing to do. I was out of it as soon as I got in.

Every event in a person's life has a profound impact. Everything that a person does has a ripple effect on many other lives around him, lives of people he might know and people he might not. I tend to agree with the philosophers who say that God is to be found within yourself.

If my actions have a profound impact on even one more life, doesn't it go to say I have an element of God in me? And the same hold for everyone in the world.

So the next time you do something, just think. Anything you do will affect another life. Your anger can cause a lot of pain to someone, your haste can ruin other lives....your attitudes and opinions can ruin a life...

Be rational, be practical, be positive...and remember....God is good as long as you are...coz God is you....

and you are God...in ways small....yet you are....

I'm Glad...

Two posts in just as many days is too much by my standards, but I can't stop myself from posting this beautiful song, that I am listening to..and means a lot...


artist: Lobo
title: I'm Glad I've Got Someone (Who Loves Me Like That)
album: Sometimes

She wants to know where I am all the time,
Who I talk to what I do
When I'm away she calls on the phone,
You'd think she's checking up on me
She says she just wants to hear my voice
And make sure I'm ok

I'm glad I've got someone
Who love's me like that
Someone who always misses me
And just can't wait till I get back
She can't love me too much...
I just can't get enough
I'm glad I've got someone...
Who love's me like that

I'll have a day at work
When everything has gone wrong,
I want to spend some time alone
Out on the freeway
Feeling sorry for myself,
I hear the ring of the car phone
She says "Hey baby how's it going
Are you on your way home?"

Find this song, and listen to it...it's really worth it!

A few spins, a few turns...

It is always difficult to write a post when I have a lot going around in my mind. Everything wants to be put down as a statement, and yet there has to be a coherence, a meaning in what is written. or should there be one? I don't know, so here goes.

I've been wondering about time. Time, that is the catalyst for change, that keeps changing even if everything else wants to remain the same...and once time has changed, it catalyses change. From a purely analytical point of view, time keeps moving because the earth keeps spinning on its axis, and around the sun. Most philosophers will cringe at such a dry explanation of time. But this is the disadvantage of being an engineer, you develop an ability to view everything in a terribly analytical fashion. Yet, however analytical I get about time, I cannot stop it. Or even so, make it go back.

There is only one shot you get at life, they say. Some believe you are re incarnated, and thus will get another shot at life. Hindu mythology believes that the human form is achieved after a soul goes through 64 thousand different life forms(called yonis). Many believe that the human soul is destined for heaven, or hell, based on what you have done on earth. I don't subscribe to this view. In my opinion, all payback happens in the same very life that you are living, no balance is carried forward.

So where am I trying to get to with all this heavy philosophical babble. Actually, I don't know. And even if I were to know, whats the point? So let me get back to the topic at hand..

So time keeps moving, and pulls life ahead with it. Our actions of today become memories of tomorrow, and might even be forgotten the day after. Tomorrow is just a day away from being today. In the big picture, the sun is going to explode and annhilate this planet forever. But I am not going to live for that long, am I? So let me not worry about the tomorrow that I am never going to see. But in a smaller picture, I see people ravaged by hunger, countries ravaged by fighting, children crippled by landmines, the polar ice caps melting, wars, tears, pain, anger....

The way we are going today, I don;t think we need the sun to wipe out our planet. We look like we'll self-destruct.

Is there a solution? of course there is, everybody knows it. But nobody will implement it. Inflated egos need to be maintained, world supremacy and dominance must be held...who cares if thousands are murdered in the name of protecting freedom. Who is the terrorist? Why do we focus on bringing these "terrorists" out of their holes and killing them? Why do we kill in the name of God? Why don't we try to help people to leave their weapons? Why don't we ignore those selfish leaders who interpret holy words of peace in their favour and start off wars, killing innocent people?

Why do we forget that all we have in life are a few spins, and a few turns...before we log out? Pretty ironic...isn't it?

Just sometimes....

There are times..when all you can speak is less, and you end up thinking...

"Man, There's so much to say, and so little time"

And yet, there are times, when you try to speak, but fall short of words..

Shortage of vocabulary is not a reason on these days, just that life overwhelms you so much so that you lose all words..

and then...there is silence....

but can silence last forever...can the unspoken words be heard...be understood...

Human life starts with a loud noise...of the baby crying when it is brought out of its safe hiding place..into the cruel world..

And at the end of it...we are so overwhelmed..that its always silent...

loss of words...loss of emotions...loss of feelings...loss of all dreams...desires..expectations....

and yet...without the eternal hunt of glory that man spends his life in...

he finds peace..in silence....

UPDATE: 20 Oct 06 : Coherent Rambling wishes you and your family a very Happy & Prosperous Diwali...This year, celebrate diwali with joy, and do something for a needy person. Your diwali will be good, so bring some light and joy in another life. God Bless You all!

Gandhi...and Munna...and me?

On Saturday, I had gone to see Lagy Raho Munnabhai (finally). And the movie, in addition to leaving me impressed, left a lot of random strings of thought, and questions in my mind. Let me try to share them.

The movie, on a broad front, tackles two issues. One is the fast fading principles of Gandhi. It seems that the only memory of bapu is left(as very correctly said in the movie) on all those MG roads, on our currenct notes, on those Gandhi Parks...and on 2nd October, that is spoon fed into our memories along with 15 August and 26 january, as a national holiday. Gandhi jayanti...it is called. But how many of us actually ask why is it a national holiday?

Bapu is everywhere, but in our hearts. We have forgotten his principles, his way of life, his teachings. I had many a friends in college, who used to hate Gandhiji coz he moved around with two young ladies. What they never saw was that bapu tested his self-control by being with two women, yet not being attracted to them.

There used to be an ad-film, that was aired on Doordarshan a long time ago. It said " The greatness of this man is his simplicity. " And yet we are nothing but simple today.

The movie highlighted one of Gandhi's favourite ways of protest, the satyagraha. A peaceful, non-violent way of protesting for your rights. And it does need a lot of guts, and willpower not to slap back when you are slapped. But does our generation believe in non-violence? No. We proudly call ourselves the RTB generation, where we do not believe in the power of non-violent protest. Or putting it in another way, we do not have enough patience to wait..wait for the result of our non-violent protest. The truthful path is always long, full of thorns, but victory is guaranteed. The path of violence, anger is always short..maybe you can win a battle or two, but you will always lose the war.

Will Lagey Raho....change our way of thinking? As much positive I want to be, I know that it will not. Because we have evolved into a very impatient generation. We want everything to happen quickly, waiting is a word not in our dictionary. And why should we wait, what are we going to get by waiting, is anyone ever going to listen? No...let us not wait, let us pick that brick, and throw it...whether the target is the police, or the house of our VC, or our own college for that matter. Why should we care?

Confused? No I am not changing the direction of my post. I am simply including those arguments that will come up against it. The question I ask is, why does no one listen? Not because they don;t want to, simply because they know that people will shout, take a protest march, make up for two minutes on the news and a day long breaking news on the ticker...and then fade away. They will listen if they are met with a bunch of protesters, who march non-violently, bearing the brunt of water cannons..but not giving up...day after day after day....

Let us accept it, we lack patience. When it be standing in a line outside the ATM when an old man is taking his time to withdraw money, we curse under our breath, but none of us volunteer to go in and help him out. When it be waiting in front of a red light( if we have stopped for it), we keep honking away to glory...You can just think of the last week in your life, and you'll realize how impatient you as a person have become.

This was one. The other topic, that this movie very subtely addresses, is our faith on astrolgy, astrologers and horoscopes. We will not accept that we didn't work hard enough in the office to get that promotion, but we will blame it on mars, venus or jupiter. How convenient. We will enforce irrationalities, taboos...things like being a manglik, or not being one. We will conveniently blame the planets and stars for all our problems, and think that adding that extra k will solve all our troubles.

Every day has a night. There are good times in life, and there are bad times. There always will be bad times. How do you expect me to appreciate light if I never know wat darkness is?

And yet, we believe in all this non-scientific mumbo jumbo. We believe that Ganesha idols can drink milk. We believe that wearing a gold ring with a pukhraj stone will bring us good luck.

What we don't believe is, that truth, hardwork, determination are the only ways to succeed.

Can Lagey Raho...change the way we think? The way we act? Can it make us more rational, more patient and more determined people?

I have tried my bit to spread the word. Now I'll request you, to spread the word, not only to others, but to yourself too. And as a mode of feedback, please let me know by commenting here how do you plan to do it. You can be completely anonymous...all I want is for you to write your committment down, and be firm on it.

I alone can't make a big change to things around me, but I can change myself. Can you?

Vande Mataram..

O my motherland, I salute you..I bow in front of you.

I am a patriot. I love my country, I love being a responsible Indian citizen, hoenstly paying off my taxes, even if they go to the pockets of corrupt politicians, to the homes of lazy government officials, to the bank accounts of tyrranical policemen. I take care not to throw any garbage on the road, or spit out in public places. Neither do I break any traffic signals.

But today, this honest, law-abiding citizen is saddened. I am saddened to see my fellow countrymen become selfish to immoral extents. What else should be said, when murder culprits are left free to walk your streets, o mother, but the wutnesses are imprisoned? What else remains to be seen after watching students murder their own teachers, in the name of student rights? What else remains to be heard, after listening to our chosen leaders speak in parliament, using the worst possible language? What more remains to be understood after witnessing quotas and reservations being doled out, just to appease vote banks?

What has happened to the country that gave the word Gautam Buddha, Guru Nanak, Lord Mahavira, Mahatma Gandhi? Nothing...nothing has happened to the country, but its citizens have lost all sense of responsibility. Every act of opposition, every rally, every morcha...is no longer a democratic way of protesting...its just a way to serve someone;s self-interests...

We have turned into a country of selfish people, who care for no one but our own self.

Though there is still a ray of hope...there always is a ray of hope. It lies with you, it lies with me. Let us just work at making ourselves good, try to be peaceful ourselves. No mass movement can cure this country, each and every single one of us have to change. Including politicians, including bureaucrats, including the police, including everyone. Let us just remember gandhi's talisman...to remember the face of the poorest man we have seen..n think how our decision touches his life.

Let us not shy in paying our dues to our country, so what if we won;t be able to afford those mercs and cadillacs...we'll make our country the best place in the whole world

vande mataram

This post was inspired from Melody's post on her blog.

Amazing Grace & Chuck

Just when you think that today's students know nothing but violence to get their voice heard, a refreshing movie comes by. No, I am not referring to lagey Raho Munnabhai, but I am referring to a little known movie called Amazing Grace & Chuck. Let me tell you its story..

In this small town of US, there lives a kid named chuck. He's the star pitcher of his baseball team, and his dad is a fighter pilot. One day, students from his school are taken to a trip of a nuclear missile silo..where chuck comes to know the killer power of nuclear missiles, when the scientist tells him " Imagine your sister dropping a spoon in the kitchen.If one of these missiles happens to land in a 30 mile radius, your sister will be vaporised before the spoon hits the ground"

This has a huge effect on chuck, who refuses to play in the little league match of his team. slowly, a major league baseball star listens to this, and teams up with chuck. Now chuck goes silent, vowing to talk only when all nuclear weapons are dismantled. subsequently, this catches on, and children all around the globe go silent.

Many twists and turns later, the movie has a happy ending, with both US & Russia dismantling their nukes, and the kids of the world talking again.

Now this could be a great work of fiction, but will it work in real life? I guess it will...a civil disobedience movement was launched by the father of our nation, that was absolutely non-violent..and yet it succeeded.

Violence always creates more violence. Hatred creates more hatred...

The world certainly needs neither of these. It needs love, compassion, non-violence...

Please remember, it is always easy to slap someone...but it is tougher to hold back..and even tougher to present your other cheek.

Whatever our civilization may be, whatever culture or religion we might belong to...we must remember that violence is not a reply to violence.

True salvation is always in forgiveness...in compassion...in peace...and in love.

Let us all make this world a better place to live in.

The author pays his homage to the countless victims of terrorist strikes across the world, on a day that has now been embossed in our memories as the worst day ever in the history of humankind. May all those souls rest in peace

I am back....

Hello good people...

I am back after a long time..and for all those of you guessing as to where I was, well I have a good news for you.

I have switched jobs..and today is my 3rd day in my new job..it feels good...the people are nice....but there's always the old friends left behind...

well life, in its own ways, does move forward...and i guess its better to flow in the current rather than put up a fight against it...

though there are times when a fight becomes necessary..and that is when the saying goes...

when the going gets tough, the tough get going!!

i'll end the post on this note..but from now on, it;ll be regular updating from me...

ciao

Scheduled blogging break....

Well I am making it sound technical, but that is what it's gonna be for some days. I will be off blogging, and also blog hopping for a good part of the coming month.

Although I'll be making my best efforts to return to blogging as fast as I can, it could still be some time.

The reasons for this break, well if I tell them now, what would I write when I am back? So keep guessing...

ciao

Speechless....

I had some other plans in my mind for this post, some other things I wanted to write...but this left me speechless...

What you resist, persists!

One of the bigger truths of life...that I heard for the first time in an Art-of-Living course, and have kept with me. It is the truth that the more you resist something/someone, the more it persists. The only way is to stop resisting it...it stops persisting. So simple...

Doesn't quite work though. As mortals, it is in human nature to keep thinking of the past, more so of events that were not good rather than the good ones, more of the sad events than the happy ones. We say that we have left our past behind, but we never truly do. There are those moments that keep coming back. Those people whom we can never forget. The betrayals that we can never get over. Life moves on, but do we allow it to?

Many would say that time is the biggest healer of all. I don;t think so. Time may heal the wounds, but what about the scars? Everytime you look at the scars, the pain comes back..and hits you the hardest when you least expect it to.

Which brings me back to the title of this post....stop looking at the scars, they say. There is no point in thinking of the hurt that is now past.

But isn't it our past that shapes our future? Don;t the mistakes of our past become lessons for the future?

Stop resisting...my mind says...

but alas, the heart is deaf...

and dumb, and blind....

it only feels....sorrow n pain....anger n hurt....

and on those lucky days...some happiness...some smiles....

it wants to see light..but alas ... it doesn;t wish to realize...

it is forever blind!!

Bombs...rockets...missiles....

The recent crisis in middle east has set me thinking, why does the world bombs? Have they ever done anything but take lives.

For a minute, imagine that a "bomb" was a person..and whenever this person went, he/she (i want no gender bias here) caused destruction and nothing else. What would we have done to it?

If it were the US government, it would have made special arrangements to make sure that Mr(s). Bomb produced as many offsprings as possible, and then stored them all away in silos. After this it would scare the world with its power, and would send one to any country who even hinted at having one.

If it were the Russian government, it would force Mr(s). Bomb to reproduce uncontrollably, and then without the resource to handle so many Bombs, things would go out of its hand. So now almost the entire world, except for the US, would have a bomb.

And if it were the chinese government, it would force Mr(s). Bomb to have only one child, and then neuter it. You know, thats how it is in China.

Ha ha

And on a totally different note, it has been reported that parents are now encouraging their

children to play near dangerous wells. Apparently the riches bestowed by the government on a

child who was recently recovered from a 60 ft borewell has prompted many parents to do so, some

even shoving their own childern down a well.

And on an even lighter note..italian footballer materazzi was served with a three match ban after being hit by Zidane on his chest. This has prompted several appeals in US courts by convicts who were punished for mugging and brutal assault. These convicts are asking the courts to also sentence the people whose heads, arms, legs etc. were broken, following the example of FIFA.

Now to end with a question. If conventional fuels (petrol, diesel etc.) are a dying breed, and are slowly growing more and more expensive, what on earth is keeping Honda from mass producing its fuel cell vehicle, which according to the claim on its website has been approved for commercial use since 2002???

Any answers????

6 wierd things about me

Ok Ok, I know all those of you out there who know me would say that I am myself a wierd thing, but lets leave that one aside.

Following are six wierd things about me:

6. I can stay up till very late, and get up early in the morning

Of course, this is not including those times when night turns into morning, yet...

5. I can think of many things at a time

Quite wierd, right? Considering the fact that I can think about work while eating, think of what I am going to cook for dinner while in a client call(of course, paying equal attention to the client )

4. I can cook well

Many people won't believe me when I say this, but I am a decent cook. The only thing that keeps me from cooking daily is wierd thing 3, that is:

3. I am lazy

When it comes to being lazy, you just can't beat me at it. I was lazying this post off too, but....

2. I can remember a lot of things

Thats quite wierd you know, considering the fact that I still have clear memories of times when I was 3-4 years old...

1. I have seen God

Believe it, or not! I have seen God, had a chat with him, and then came back to this planet.

That;s why I am not afraid of dying, I know what;s on the other side of life.

The only important thing is, this is the only life you get. Thou shalt reap what thou sow!

Ok, now anyone whose feeling all pumped up reading the wierd things about me, why not take up the challenge n put up some wierd things about yourself up on your blog.

More posts to follow after another week, as I am travelling to Gujrat, MP & if time permits, the wet city(Mumbai)....

ciao

A prayer...

I saw Bruce Almighty after a long time yesterday...wonderful movie.

Though its the prayer at the end that inspires me most. Here it is:

BRUCE
If I could have just one thing in the world. It would be for Grace to live a happy, joyful life. And that she finds someone...(getting emotional as he realizes what he's saying)...that she finds someone that will treat her with the love and respect that she so deserves.

God smiles the most satisfied of smiles.
GOD
Now that is a prayer.

That's what I prayed for too...

Bruce Almighty Script courtesy IMSDB

Moving on....

Its been really long since I posted something. And the reason is that it is always hard for you to face up with yourself, have courage to look adversity in the face and shout out "i'm alive". I have built up that courage.

It is difficult to stand up, when you have fallen on your last attempt to stand, no, you have been kicked to the ground on your last attempt to stand. It is difficult to sleep in the nights, its difficult to cope up with the loneliness and silence. But then, I decided, something must be done.

It is the weak who bow down, but I am not weak. I have to turn around. I have to find my feet..I must stand.

Sometimes it is amazing how one person, one moment can bring your whole life crashing around you. The future that was building inside your head smashed by the tsunami of tears triggered by a powerful earthquake that has rocked your life.

But you are a survivor, I keep telling myself. You can kick adversity away.

I always tell people, impossible is always possible. And this time I had to practise what I preach.

But have I succeeded? Have I been able to stand? Only time can tell. Though for now, I think its enough to say that I have buried the ghost of past.

To move on to the future...

Yes, the pain remains, the anger builds up at times, but I am trying to control my mind, my soul..I must not think of the past. I have to emerge as a stronger person.

And I tell my life, hey, you cannot win against my will. At the end of the day, it is me who shall win.

And yes, I am back. From now, I'll write regularly, start some of the older topics(like breview).....

As they say..."Allah ke bande hasde, jo bhi ho kal fir aayega"

Hindsight - 1

It was evening, and I was on the terrace talking to myself. And waiting...

Then suddenly, in a flash, one of my longest standing questions was answered. And I found tears streaming out of my eyes. Tears of pain, tears of sadness but above all, tears of apology. I had always blamed her, my first love, for whatever went wrong in our relationship. Always thought that she had never told me why she left me. But it all came to me yesterday.

It wasn't her, it was me. I was the one who had stopped caring, without even realizing. I was the one who took her love for granted. I was the one who wasn't with her when she needed me the most. It wasn't her, it was me all along.

And now, I have no way to tell her this. I don't have her contact number, or her working e-mail id. Life has its own ways of getting back at you. I am sorry, sorry for blaming her...sorry for not being there. I don't want her to look back, no. Just want her to know that I realize that it was me, not her. And I apologize.

But will she know?

And what opened my eyes? Well I was at the receiving end...and it was in those moments I thought, I had also did with her what was happening with me today. Life does come a full circle, and you pay off all your debts here only.

My only wish is that the person who was making me wait shouldn't ever suffer or realize this, like I did today. May life never come a full circle for her....

amen

---------UPDATE 11-May-2006----------------

Another beginning has come to an end....and another end beckons a beginning. This is what makes me feel a little better..

What should you look forward to in life....

when there is nothing to look forward to?

Nobody loves me....

Nobody loves me
Nobody cares for me
I'm goin to the garden
To eat some worms
Big fat squiggly worms
Small thin wriggly worms
I'm goin to the garden
To eat some worms....

P.S I had this poem in a moral science book, way back in 4th class. Of all the stuff I read that time, this is the only one I remember clearly.

I'll never know why.....

Question.....

If you have a seemingly impossible problem in front you.. what is the better option.

a) To fight the problem till you beat the problem or the problem beats you
b) To opt for any easy way out, and live with the problem.

FYI...I always try a), and I fail miserably....do you think i shud go for b)?

Down in the dumps again....

Yes dumpsters...I am back amongst you...

Reasons for being back in the dumps I wont discuss....it already hurts enough....

and for the first time in my life...

i realized why people think of ending their lives...

not that I want to, no....

I can take much more pain....

bring it on....

The day after tomorrow....

How many times has it happened that the day after tomorrow becomes a day that you are scared to face..?

When you don't know what turn your life will take, the day after tomorrow...?

When you don't know whether the day after tomorrow is goin to be the best day you can have, or the worst you can in your life?

um, God? Can I take a quick peek in my future..so that thoughts of the D-Day don't spoil my today?

please.......

Thoughts......

Why does hope exist? Why does the ray of sunlight break thru a cover of thick clouds when it knows it cant break them? Why do mirages exist in the desert when no one can take them?

Why is there always a small pause in the middle of every storm? Why is there a distant light in the darkness ever at all?

When the ray of light has to go back, when the mirages have to disappear, when the pause has to cease and give way to the fierce storm, when the distant light is going to fade out after all....

Are these just reassurances....to let man bear thru the dark n the storm, the desert n the dark...

or are they just a creation of man's mind? a search for hope when there is none...a search for water when there is desert for miles and miles....

is hope the only means of survival? why? why not finish it all at one go, kill the hope n kill the soul.

kill the future..n kill the goal...

let tomorrow never live...if darkness is what exists...

if darkness must remain, never show the light....

if hopelessness must prevail, let hope never rise!!!

Something more.....

You fill up my senses
Like a night in the forest
Like the mountains in springtime
Like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert
Like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses
Come fill me again

Come let me love you
Let me give my life to you
Let me drown in your laughter
Let me die in your arms
Let me lay down beside you
Let me always be with you
Come let me love you
Come love me again

Let me give my life to you
Come let me love you
Come love me again

Song: Annie's Song
Singer: John Denver

This is almost all that I have to say.....

This one ... specially for u...

Shed a tear 'cause I'm missing you
I'm still alright to smile
Girl, I think about you every day now
Was a time when I wasn't sure
But you set my mind at ease
There is no doubt you're in my heart now
Said woman take it slow
It'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Said sugar make it slow
And we'll come together fine
All we need is just a little patience
Patience...
Ooh, oh, yeah

Sit here on the stairs
'Cause I'd rather be alone
If I can't have you right now, I'll wait dear
Sometimes, I get so tense
But I can't speed up the time
But you know, love, there's one more thing to consider
Said woman take it slow
Things will be just fine
You and I'll just use a little patience
Said sugar take the time
'Cause the lights are shining bright
You and I've got what it takes to make it
We won't fake it, Oh never break it
'Cause I can't take it

...little patience, mm yeah, ooh yeah,
Need a little patience, yeah
Just a little patience, yeah
Some more pati... (ence, yeah)
I've been walking these streets at night
Just trying to get it right (Need some patience, yeah)
It's hard to see with so many around
You know I don't like being stuck in a crowd (Could use some patience, yeah)
And the streets don't change but maybe the name
I ain't got time for the game
'Cause I need you (Patience, yeah)
Yeah, yeah well I need you
Oh, I need you (Take some patience)
Whoa, I need you (Just a little patience is all we need)
Ooh, this ti- me....

Artist: Guns N' Roses
Song: Patience

I hope you understand me....

@ AKRUTI

baatein to kayi hai jo kah sakte hain hum
aapke chale jaane pe ro sakte hain hum
humari duayen humesha hai aapke saath fir bhi..
jaate jaate aapko ek muskurahat to de sakte hain hum!

akruti...i wont ask you to come back, but I want you to....otherwise even silence will stop expressing itself.

and something that should bring you back, at least I hope so.

shaam se aankh mein nammi si hai
aaj phir aap ki kami si hai
shaam se aankh mein nami si hai

dafan karr do humme ke sans mille
nabaj kuch derr se thami si hai
aaj phir aap ki kammi si hai

waqt rehta nahin kahi tikk karr
iski aadat bhi aadami si hai
iss ki aadat bhi aadami si hai
aaj phir aap ki kammi si hai

koi rishta nahin raha phir bhi ek tasvir lajmi si hai
shaam se aankh mein nammi si hai
aaj phir aap ki kammi si hai

Laziness..thy name is....

me, of course. Who else can be so lazy as to create a new post even after opening the "create" page of blogger once every day? And who else can be so lazy to not blog-hop for so many days....

But the truth is that lazy is not the accurate word to describe my state right now. I am kind of busy-in-office-occupied-in-mind state that does not allow you to do much. So I rather prefer to call myself lazy, plus this gives me a lot of excuses otherwise too.

There's been too much going on, too much to the extent that I am not behaving like myself. Fending off Mom's anxious queries "beta(that's son, for the non-hindi speakers) are you all right? You seem to be worried?" with a careless yes-mom-im-fine-its-just-the work statement.But am I really fine? I know I am not, coz this is not how I am...useless blabber this one was.

anyways...

and at this moment I am quickly trying to hop thru all the blogs I usually read, just to work away my potential guilt...tough job, but I 'm trying ok...

There's so much I want to do...but all I end up soing is procrastinate(did I spell it right?)..hell I don't know why but this is becoming one of my favourite past-times recently..though its my personal stuff I end up pro..whatever, so no harm done on the office front.

Right now I am trying to read blogs + write this post + listen to music + thinking whether I should have a coffee or just hit the sack?

Why is life full of choices, and why do our choices seem wrong in hindsight...

I must stop looking at my hind...rather my past I left behind.

And frankly speaking, I do not know how many are going to reach this point, but if you do, I must really appreciate your patience for reading this gibberish so far...and at the same time admiring my patience of writing so far(its lighter on my conscience(to hell with spellings) to not call it gibberish while writing).

And on an unrelated note, I got a promotion to the post of Senior Software Engg. ( the best compliment I received was from a dude was to refer to my designation as a Stupid Software Engg..ha ha ). So all you party hunters, increase that count by one more, and remember it when you catch me.

And on an even more unrelated note, coherent rambling completed one year of its existance. This one year has meant a lot to my life, and so has coherent rambling. My sincere thanks to all of my friends who read this blog, those who comment and those who not...you have always been a source of encouragement to me...and I dont think its wrong to name a few of you close to my heart here:

Neelima, Nupur, WD, Recca, Phantom, J, sophie, Somu, Smyta, Melody....

and all who've read my blog ever....

just two words sum it up for me today "THANK YOU"

Deja Vu - 2

P.S. I wrote this when I was in love with a very special person..someone who taught me how to care, how to feel, how to find happiness in small things...how to dream..how to dare...how to love. Today, when its a full year of darkness in my heart, I guess there can be no better tribute to the person who was the first one to light up my heart, and also the first one to take the light out of it!

Date: 3-October-2003
Place: Computer Networks Lecture, 7th Sem
Time: 0930 am

Love. Said to be the most wonderful thing that can happen to any human. The association of a person with love starts from the day he is born, his first love being his mother, who is the reason for his being. As he grows up, he starts falling in love with a lot of people and a lot of things around him. But he never understands what is love. True, very true that love can be felt, can be experienced, can be shared, can be given and takenm but yet cannot be understood. You never know why you are in love. Maybe that is what true love is all about, being in it but not knowing why you are in it.

Love may be the most wonderful gift to get, but nothing satisfies more than giving love. The feeling is something that is worth all the happiness you give, but remember, give it without expecting any returns. For love does not see, it is blind.

adios..