Sifting through the debris.....

Today...almost 6 months after the explosion that shook my entire life...i sit to sift the debris that it left (see this)

....trying to analyse what went wrong...why did all my dreams suddenly turn into nightmares...why did all those sweet memories suddenly meta-morphosize into painful thoughts....

and all I see is my fault.

Had I given her a little more time than I did.....

Had I taken off a week and gone to visit her, spend some time with her and give her some confidence...

But am I the only culprit who triggered this? Couldn't she have trusted me? Why did the trust end...and took our lives down with it?

I seem to have absolutely no idea....though taking more blame for this seems to be making me feel better...

somehow its so comforting to know that you were wrong..and not the one you loved! She was right, and maybe she still is.....

i'll retain this debris though...who knows when i'd have to go through it again....some day!!!

who knows, at least not me!!

Thank You....

Let me tell u a story..

Once upon a time there was a lazy bum who wrote a blog. As he made more friends, they all asked him to update the look of his blog. But as we said, he was a lazy bum...so he searched efor an excuse here and there to avoid this work.

Then one day, a Good Friend came along. And took control of the blog, and made it look fresh.

This is the story behind this new look. Though I am not naming this wonderful friend of mine.... :)

My friend is the one who deserves all this wonderful feedback about the new look.

And a big THANKU from me!!

Thanx....

P.S There are a still a few minor changes to make. The hit counter & blogroll would be coming up soon!

appRAIS(E)al - Part 2

Part one was the sad part of the story, part two is the traditional Happy Ending!

Yes...today I finally got the mail for my new compensation...and man..it ROCKS!!!

Its way too much ...far beyond my wildest imagination.....

For a person with just 10 months of work ex (as of date), the hike is mind-boggling..

and all i can remember are my manager's words when I asked him about the raise last time..."you won't be surprised by the hike, you'll be shocked!!!"

Shocked ....? Yes I am....

Happy .... I very much am....

And so is my mom...she is on cloud nine....and should be.

Its been many years since she's been there.

Something I'd say...I'm here today coz of u only, ma! I know u don't surf the net, and u definitely won't see this, but I just want to say its not my hardwork, but yours. Its you who has put me here, and I won't disappoint u ma....

Promise....

ciao.

P.S: Oh, and for all the party seekers, you are invited to a place of your choice at a time of my choice :-) .... so tell me the place..i'll tell u the time!!!

Software Engineer Jokes

Somu pls don't mind...ur name is there many times in these...


Here we go....

Ramu : Hey.. my submarine software is not sinking into the water!!what could be wrong?
Somu : may be u have used float instead of double in the software

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Ramu: i am very very sure that the guy who just talked to me is a Software engineer...
Somu: how do u say that?
ramu: he asked my physical address instead of my home address!


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Ramu: shhhh...I think the SW Engr who is sitting in the next cabin must be a farmer before .
somu: How do u know...?
Ramu: he asked me today if there is a way to cultivate the bit fields..!!

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Somu : Hey Bull, Can you do me a favor?
Can you pass on this 500 ruppees to Suthi..?
Bull : Sure... why not? But tell me one thing. Tell me whether its pass by value or pass by reference...
-----------------------------------------------------------

ramu: Hey... I think that SW Engg is very very naive..
somu: How do u say that?
ramu: He believes that there is an Arabian Sea next to Arabin Sea.

-----------------------------------------------------------

ramu: Hey.... whats time now?
somu: System time or local time...??
-----------------------------------------------------------

ramu: Hey... I have a problem. My system is not booting up!
somu: may be, its internal buses are on strike...check out!

-----------------------------------------------------------
ramu : (while browsing the TV) what is this? I have heard of Star Sports, Star Movies and Star Plus. Whats this Star Equals??? Is it a new Star channel?
somu : No, = operator has been overloaded in Star Channel.

---------------------------------------------------------

seetha : I think that SW Engr is very naive...
geetha : how do u say that?
seetha : He believes "Rascal" is a new version of Pascal!

----------------------------------------------------------

Ramu : why are u wipping ur terminal very often with
a cloth?
Somu : clear command is not working properly for my
terminal. that's why?

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babu : yesterday I bought a new TV whose terminal is
compatible with computer... but its audio portion
is not at all working
gopu : may be its compatible only with dumb terminals???

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Vanish: We have shifted our home to RK Puram now...
soni : right shift or left shift??

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Software DT in Heaven:
ramu : hey.. I coudlnt send a mail to Hell
today...it says mail "demon" not running...
somu : ur case is better! ... for me, it says "ghost
not reachable" and bounces back!

----------------------------------------------------------

enjoy...

adois.

My Diary Updated

Hi folks,

please check my updated blog .

Best Wishes
coherent rambling

Thoughts...

Why can't I control my thoughts....control my mind, and tell it what to think & what not.

Had a chat with her again on the fone today...its like scratchin wounds, preventing them from healing..and it hurts. Hurts me, and I think it hurts her too. I think, but I don't know because I can't say I know her. After what happened, no, I don't know her as well as I used to think.

We both know we are running away, not from each other, but ourselves. It is always so easy to go away from someone, but its not easy to go away from yourself. That also when a part of you wants those wonderful times again....

Those mornings in college, those evenings in the temple, those nights on the phone.

I don't know...but I just want to roll up in a corner & cry...very unmanly, yes, but still. Its like releasing a dam....just that this one is bound to fill up sooner.

Many of my friends say...Hope I was you, but do they know its not so easy being me.

Its just me, myself and the endless black sky. No light....

Going back into the dark....and soltitude.....when will my life be like a life?

I have no answers. Only questions....

bye

SOS (Save Our Surroundings)

Well , now that Somu has set me up for this, i'll continue further...

here's a list of things that i'd like to do for the earth:

1. Use recycled paper, and any products made of recycled material.
2. Say an absolute NO to plastics of any kind, especially the ones u get while u shop.
3. Plant a sapling every month.
4. Buy a non-polluting vehicle ( i'd love to drive a bicycle, but its too hot in delhi for it).
5. Try to reduce wastage, if any of my friends do it.

hmm....i'd pass this on to.
Phantom
Shantz
Deepak
Recca
Neha

and all those who want to pick it up and carry it forward!!

adios

Some poems that I like:

Just a compilation of poems that I'd like to share:

I Am Not Yours
by Sarah Teasdale.

I am not yours, not lost in you,
Not lost, although I long to be
Lost as a candle lit at noon,
Lost as a snowflake in the sea.

You love me, and I find you still
A spirit beautiful and bright,
Yet I am I, who long to be
Lost as a light is lost in light.

Oh plunge me deep in love - put out
My senses, leave me deaf and blind,
Swept by the tempest of your love,
A taper in a rushing wind.

How Do I Love Thee?
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Hope Is The Thing With Feathers
by Emily Dickinson.

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

And finally.....something that hits something deep in my heart, whenever i read it.

Home They Brought Her Warrior Dead
by Lord Alfred Tennyson


Home they brought her warrior dead:
She nor swooned, nor uttered cry:
All her maidens, watching, said,
‘She must weep or she will die.’

Then they praised him, soft and low,
Called him worthy to be loved,
Truest friend and noblest foe;
Yet she neither spoke nor moved.

Stole a maiden from her place,
Lightly to the warrior stepped,
Took the face-cloth from the face;
Yet she neither moved nor wept.

Rose a nurse of ninety years,
Set his child upon her knee—
Like summer tempest came her tears—
‘Sweet my child, I live for thee.’

just these for now...btw what are your fav poems ppl?

ciao